the hardest part about trying to be the best or being told you are. Is that you push your self so hard that
you never see what you are doing to yourself , the pressure to be skinny to be right on the beat to leap and jump with power. the pressure of being the best isnt a good thing you look at all the girls around you and you have to tell your self your better. i have learned so many things from dance , i learned team work , but  i also learned now looking back that being the best is not everything i learned that if you strive to always be better and always have eyes on you that you miss out on the art you are making. i learned that life is not about trying to impress people its not about thinking you need to be something you are not. life is given to you only once and you should do the things you love. i have always loved to dance but i also had all the pressure to be thin and to be good at what i do to have the highest score . then junior year i hurt my anckle and even though i was told not to dance i did my entire senior year i strived to be the best still and i wanted to keep my title but not knowing that i couldnt do this forever i didnt heal all the way and to this day i let go of my dream of being a dancer in new york and performing classical ballet. it broke my heart i now teach dance , i see dance girls that push them selfs and moms that watch what they eat and i want to tell them to respect them self and to take the time to love dance in thier own way , i love dance and forever will and people still tell me i am one of the best dancers to come through the arts which means alot but i will never live up to the standards that i wanted to live up too for myself and that i regret because i feel lost. people say get back up on your feet and i just might someday put for now i am going to love and teach dance to girls that have the same dream i once did!

i left....

 

you dont love me over here anymore because city lights dont glimmer on my marble floor.and every kiss i gave you, you never went searching for. waiting gently for you to tell me that you want more, your soul still lies empty as you think about the past and wishing you had the things that didnt last. why cant you move on and focuson whats ahead , you would rather dread misery, disparity and loss of love instead. but i see on you th elight , shinning a ray of hope, right now its not much, but the tip of a saving rope. soon you will be pulled near and forget all your fear, as the dawn breaks in you, the spirit will soon follow near , love will be your new home , where your heart can rest and sleep you can bask in the light shown, where the water runs deep my love with be yours if you choose the peace with in me.

I LIED!!!
                 There is a part of me that i hate that makes me sick and makes me hate my self down to the very last bone. this part of me was created by a horrible habbit that was driven by fear. I am a good person I have the most pure intensions and honestly all I want is to be loved but so afraid of it at the same time. I created these walls almost like a distraction from letting people know who i am , looking back on what i have done its the lame reason its the most selfish thing i have done in my entire life, i never saw a person that would ever love me enough to want to take the time to get to know me.after well lets call him caden for privacy reasons, i trusted him for the first time in my entire life after my dad would pop in and out of my life like a bad cold. and i felt so dumb and worthless after it turned out to be an epic fail a fail that took me a long long time to get over , i made a promise to my self that no one will love me the way i want to be loved so i needed to protect my self from anything that may or may not come in my life i felt all men were the same.